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Checking It Twice

If it was up to me, Eddie Jordan would get more than coal in his stocking for Christmas this year, he'd get a big fat pink slip. There is a precedent, the Bulls have canned two coaches on Christmas Eve in recent years, Scott Skiles and Tim Floyd. Wishing for someone to lose their job typically isn't considered proper holiday spirit, but in this case, it would be a blessing for all involved.

Think about it for a second. Eddie Jordan is in an untenable situation. He hates the roster he's coaching and the feeling is mutual, apparently. He can't even get his juices flowing when he reads the paper every morning because the fans and the press don't care enough to eviscerate him on a daily basis. It must be torture. The only way he can amuse himself is by picking on Elton Brand at every opportunity and sending out ridiculous lineups (like Primoz Brezec [c] Andre Iguodala [pf] Jason Kapono [sf] Rodney Carney [sg] Willie Green [pg] to protect a fourth-quarter lead vs. Washington) just to see if anyone will notice.

My working theory is that Jordan is actively trying to get fired. He's literally doing everything he can to lose basketball games, from fielding his worst defensive lineups when a stop is needed, to telling Willie Green to intentionally foul in a one-possession game with 35 seconds remaining. He kids about not caring about defense to the press, then blames the players. Unfortunately, his message just wasn't being heard, so he had to take it to the next level. He decided that he'd come right out and say that his boss blew it. Elton Brand was Ed Stefanski's signature move. Surely if Jordan not only benched Brand, but went out of his way to tell any reporter who cared enough to listen that Brand is a useless player Stefanski's hand would be forced, right? No such luck.

When he realized subtlety was getting him nowhere, he decided to heckle a couple of young players into returning from injury too soon. Maybe that would be the straw that broke the camel's back? Then those gutless players had to go out and win a game in Boston. Man, that must've been a rough night for Jordan. Luckily, he was able to get right back on the court the next night to massage a loss out of his players at the hands of the lowly Clippers.

Poor Eddie has done everything short of starting Allen Iverson and Lou Williams together in the back court, possibly the worst defensive back court in the history of the NBA. I suppose that one is his trump card, one I expect him to play at his first opportunity.

In all seriousness, though. If Eddie happens to be reading, I want him to know his cries for help haven't fallen on deaf ears. I'm here for you, man. I feel your pain. I know you'd love nothing more than to be able to retire, cash your paychecks from two different franchises and spend all your time on your orthodontic paraphernalia fetish.

So please, Ed Stefanski, have a heart. In the spirit of the holiday season, give this guy his wish. Let him go.

Enjoy your holiday, everyone. I'll be here over the weekend if all the egg nog in the world can't help you forget about the sorry state of our beloved Sixers.